November 16, 2015
I have had a couple requests for a final blog post, something that summarizes this whole Mormon mission experience thing in a nice little package (tied up with string…which has never been one of my favorite things). But how in the world can you sum up something as life-changing as this?
I don't think I can.
But...nevertheless, we shall try.
Sister Coates was just simply the best comp ever during my last week in the field. She allowed me to work to the very bitter(sweet) end. Her stamina and diligence were awe-inspiring. I am so grateful for her love and support. I honestly do not think I could have done it without her. We were seeing miracles up 'til our last moments together, including but not limited to: teaching lots of lessons to RCs whom I love dearly, successfully tracking down an LA Sri Lankin family, and just feeling content with everything that was about to happen.
The final day as a missionary was surreal. Transfer meeting is kind of a blur...partly because I cried through part of it and couldn't see through my tears. Awkward. 555 Sister Burbank was the one who spoke about me as one of those going home. I love that girl so much! I am so lucky I got to train her :)
I felt a bit anxious after transfer meeting was over because I felt this pressing need to do something, anything…call investigators or set up appointments, etc. It was so odd to not have a huge "to-do" list...or a planner with a single, solitary plan, for that matter. I did not like the feeling. Made me nervous about going home to an open schedule :P I was still content with “dying” but perhaps a bit more determined to make sure I filled my schedule with meaningful activities post-mission.
Dinner with the Johnsons was delicious. And the testimony meeting that followed was touching. It was really neat to hear the growth in each of our fellow MTC sisters’ testimonies. We have come such a long way and we came all this way together.
Boarding a plane completely by myself cured me of any companion separation anxiety quite nicely.
Coming home and seeing the family for the first time was wonderful. I didn’t cry (I think I was just too plain tired for tears) but I was seriously soooooooooooooo happy. It was a great reunion. Happiness. Happiness. True Happiness.
That evening we went over to the Stake Center to meet with President Larson for my release.
The release was simple yet beautiful and powerful. It happened rather fast, the actual release I mean. He chatted with me and my family for awhile about my mission experience, discussed how to make future plans, talked about what to look for in a husband (it all came back to the topic of marriage several times, I noticed), about how our service changes us, and really emphasized how I need to continue to minister to my companions, RCs, LAs, and friends that I made while in Thailand…and then suddenly he sits up straight, leaning over the desk to get closer to me and says,
"Sister Alley, you were called of God to be a missionary. And in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, I thank you for your service. It has been acceptable to him. You are now released as a full-time missionary. Please remove the name-tag."
Tears, of course.
But not of sorrow. Rather of just pure gratitude for the opportunity I had to serve.
I felt very peaceful, very calm. It was serene. He then asked to see my name-tag and talked about how important symbolism is in the church. My name-tag now symbolizes my keeping the covenant of sacrifice and consecration. He asked me to keep it somewhere where I would see it often and reflect upon my mission. Beautiful simplicity.
And then, this morning, I stood before the Stake High Council to report on my mission.
Accountability: a major part of the Plan of Salvation, an essential element of our agency on earth.
Standing before the council, I thought about how important it was that I had served my mission in a way that allowed me to feel not only comfortable but also confident reporting to them. I was actually excited to tell them about my experiences: my struggles, my triumphs, my changes, my improvements.
I think this is a good question with which to gauge ourselves spiritually:
In the moment we are asked to give an accounting of ourselves, our efforts, what is our strongest emotion?
Fear(?) - perhaps we have some things that we are yet unrepentant for and we need to change that
Anxiety(?) - time management may need to be adjusted so we can do what we were asked to do by our Father in Heaven
Anger(?) - we need to change our perspective and understand that accountability is not a obstacle to overcome; it is the tool by which we measure and improve our performance
Excitement(?) - we understand that through our accountability we are able to improve and progress with advice and guidance from those we are accounting to
Anticipation(?) - hopefully we feel ready and actually want to report to our Father what we did with the time he gave us
Gratitude(?) - we begin to recognize that giving a reporting is a blessing in disguise and allows us to apply the gospel in our lives more fully
What will be my primary emotion on judgement day? What do I need to change to make sure I have a positive emotional reaction when the time comes?
I have a testimony that all of us will be held accountable for our actions in the end. This life is the time for us to prepare to meet God.
This mission is my spring-board into the rest of my life, the rest of eternity…if I allow it to be.
Now that I am home, I have to make sure that I truly apply everything I learned in Thailand.
This life is all about improvement and progression. It is not about simply being.
It is about becoming something greater than what we are currently.
I think I am ready.
As Sister Jackson used to always say,
“Ever upwards!”
